ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
