Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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