Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Randomize
