He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
