how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
