you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
