Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
