Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
