Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
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