he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
