Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
