I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Randomize
