my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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