I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
