I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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