So drunk, too bad you don't want this
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Randomize
