I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
