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• (267): View more from Pennsylvania

  i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?

  (267): View more from Pennsylvania

  i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.

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• (217): View more from Illinois

  she looks like luggage that fell from a plane

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• (336): View more from North Carolina

  i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed

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• (603): View more from New Hampshire

  Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.

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• (612): View more from Minnesota

  Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.

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• (504): View more from Louisiana

  All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.

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• (928): View more from Arizona

  He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero

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• (778): View more from British Columbia

  He should be castrated

  (604): View more from British Columbia

  Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons

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• (502): View more from Kentucky

  I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.

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• (231): View more from Michigan

  whats our policy on dating high schoolers?

  (1-231): View more from Michigan

  we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does

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• (447): View more from

  She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.

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• (607): View more from New York

  I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.

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• (308): View more from Nebraska

  This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday

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• (603): View more from New Hampshire

  You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels

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• (650): View more from California

  she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".

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