She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Randomize
