I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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