yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I will pee on everything he values.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
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