so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
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