It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Randomize
