What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
