he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
