I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
