My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
