when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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