if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
