Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
