he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Randomize
