If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
