Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
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