Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
