Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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