maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
