I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
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