THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Randomize
