I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
