you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
She told me I should be a condom model.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
