Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Randomize
