i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Randomize
