Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
It's never too late to be topless.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Randomize
