she is the kim kardashian of front butts
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
