you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Randomize
