You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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