well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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