It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Randomize
