I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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