She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
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