Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
You smell like a Billy Joel song
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
