Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
im holly from the hills drunk
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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