It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
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