I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Randomize
