What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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