You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
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